Episode Thirteen: Black Friday.

Top of the show 

Welcome everyone and thank you for joining us. This is valid arguments. A show about forgiveness, morality, and understanding who among us should be hurled into the sun for their shitty opinions. I’m Jeremy Horton, and Today were going to be talking about the one day we get off our fat asses and decide to care about something, black Friday! We will also be arguing about reading, and acronyms. Joining me today is Mr. Milo Mordhorst on my right. (Milo intro). And Mr. Joel Barkley on my left. (Joel intro). Thank you both, now I want to start by getting your initial takes on black Friday and what goods you’re prepared to throw down for this year. 

Questions I will ask: 

  •  I’m really excited for Black Friday. It’s by far my favorite holiday of the year. Mass chaos that is bottled and sent directly to me in YouTube Format. What could be Better? Now in recent years we’ve heard a lot about black Friday being dead and shoppers relying mainly on online deals to get in their fix of that sweet sweet capitalism. The results of last year’s black Friday say different, that the event say it was the biggest year ever, pulling in around 6.2 billion dollars in a day. So, first question, is black Friday really dead or is this another thing millennials hope to say enough times that it eventually becomes true? milo 
  •  Here’s some fun stats. The average savings of a big box store any given day around the holidays is around 20%. Black Friday sees that avg jump to about 37%. My next question is for Joel. I know you like to save a penny wherever possible, so given those stats, is the extra 17% worth the carnage and river of blood that fills the aisles of Walmart’s around the country? Joel 
  • Palette cleanser/segment – Are books better than movies? 
  •  You guys ever watch any fighting sports? I ask because I love that shit. I love the WWE, UFC, and the NFL. But they pale in comparison to the amateur bum fights that encapsulate black Friday. The death count is currently at 12 deaths and 117 injuries. So, if black Friday starts to decline and we see less of that, I don’t know that America will be able to cope the lack of violence that we so desperately need. Next question, if the fights stop, how long before we institute a purge? milo 
  •  I want to talk now about debt. We all have it. We all hate it. It’s estimated that American credit card companies own about 1 trillion dollars in debt. It’s also estimated that 25% of Americans take 3 months or more to pay off their debt from Black Friday. This question is for our economics majors. Is that enough debt to stimulate our economy? joel 
  •  Palette cleanser/segment – is it Gif or Gif? 
  •  I found out something interesting in doing research for this episode and looking for free soup at the same time. It turns out, that a lot of homeless people will camp outside of stores with everyone else in an attempt to get a good night’s rest. Too bad for them, because they ain’t buying. As a result of their rejection of capitalism, they face fines and jail time. That seems fair right? milo 
  •  Palette cleanser/segment –  
  • I’m not sure if my usual last question applies to Black Friday, because I’m not sure there is anything to solve here. But I guess I’ll ask it anyway. Guys, how do we solve this thing? 

Argument for: 

  • Those millennial trash people are a bunch of terds. Capitalist hating terds. 
  •  Hell yes, they’re worth it! I’ll punch a pregnant lady in the face for 80% off a tv. 
  •  Unnecessary. Our yearly offering to the capitalist gods will never cease to exist, so I reject your question.  
  •  Totally fair. They’re taking up consumer space. Those spaces are reserved for people who are buying stuff that they need, not dirty, rotten freeloaders. 
  •  These things tend to work themselves out. 


Key groups: 

  •  I could not find any activists rallying for Black Friday rights 

Key people: 

Argument Against 

  • Online sales jumped last year, up 28% to $3.7 billion on Thanksgiving, according to Adobe Analytics. As of 10 a.m. Eastern Time on Black Friday, online spending was up 27.8% to $643 million. Millennials are inevitable, old man. Inevitable.  
  • Is that tv really worth your life? 12 people have died! This is an epidemic!  
  • Ya that’s true, we will need something. The obvious choice I guess is socialism. A compelling case could be made for communism as well. 
  • These people don’t even have a roof over their heads and then they’re arrested for trying to get a night’s sleep without being shivved by dirty mike and the molester boys.  
  • Maybe we can just charge a fair price year round instead of jacking up the prices until we are all so fed up with them that we resort to beating people over the head with a table set.  


Key people: 

Key groups: 

Key Movies: 

Outro: *summarize Joel and Milo end arguments* I think that both sides have………………Valid Arguments. Tonight’s winner had this to say. Some people see Black Friday as a much-needed break for their wallet. I see it as retail outlets showing the customers the full weight of their contempt. The frenzy to buy cheap crap from China, the human downgrade of people fighting with each other over items they can probably live without, to me, is an insult. Henry Rollins, ladies and gentleman. If you are for sex work being decriminalized then I suggest you get in touch with the sex workers project to see how you can help out. If you want to see sex workers outlawed entirely, then vote for kamala Harris.  If you decide to do nothing, then at the very least, keep arguing and talking about it. Because the only way we solve any controversial issue, is to argue about it. 

I’d like to thank you all for joining us, and thanks milo and Joel for your thoughts on the subject. If you want YOUR voice counted amongst those that argue, then get at us on social media @argumentsvalid on twitter and valid.arguments on Instagram, or if you think social media is just as evil as people who think green plants are flowers, please feel free to call and leave us a voicemail, the number is 309-340-9431. And if you like the show please leave us a rating and review, and tell your friends to argue with us too. and please join us next week for more arguments for you. We hope to disagree with you soon. 

Leave a Reply