Top of the show
- You mean after Iran? Switzerland. Fuck them, and their knives.
Questions Joel will ask:
Question 1: Halliburton subsidiary Kellogg, Brown & Root, or KBR, was awarded “sweetheart” contracts to provide basic services like portable toilets and internet for troops during the Iraq War as well as fixing the oil producing infrastructure of the country. They were recouped the costs of providing goods and services and then were given a profit of anywhere between 2 and 7 percent, all on the US taxpayers’ dime. So my first question is: Where the fuck does Dick Cheney get off?
- On himself while looking into a mirror. Also a fun fact they were actually audited to find out where he gets off. The Defense Contract Audit Agency found that $553 million in payments should be disallowed to KBR due to missed meals, and inflated pricing and other shady shit.
- That was 11 years ago you fucking dinosaur. The REAL news, and how I would’ve taken this show is that in February 2018 KBR acquired Stinger Ghaffarian Technologies, a provider of technological solutions as well as mission operations in the aerospace sector, for $355 million. SPACE-FORCE
Question 2: Private military contractors are civilians that provide security services for basically anyone who can afford them. They are essentially mercenaries who work for a corporation. One of the most infamous private military companies is Academi, formerly known as Blackwater. The 2004 Battle of Fallujah, the bloodiest chapter in the Iraq War, was due in part to four Blackwater contractors being killed and their bodies desecrated. In 2007, Blackwater contractors were involved in what they alleged was a shootout in a heavily populated market, but it was later revealed that the contractors were the first to open fire on a car in front of their vehicle and subsequently massacred a reported 20 Iraqi civilians. These events brought to light the US military’s reliance upon private military contractors to wage wars. So, should we even support the troops anymore?
- Of course we should, fuck face. You have to be a part of the troops to become a contractor.
- Quick correction, Academi was actually acquired by the constellis group along with a bunch of other PMC companies. So soon enough, they may be the troops.
- The more troops fighting here privately, the more the public sector will have to send our troops to space
- In High conflict areas, Contractors make up about 10-20% of the population. The balance of contractors. That’s of course based on an estimation that this is about 10-20% of the data we have on contractors. For more go to Icasualties.org. They have attempted to record as much of this mess as possible.
- Militaries that use PMC’s mostly use them for menial tasks because they don’t trust a gun for hire.
Palette Cleanser 1: My first palette cleanser deals with religion. I wanna know: Who’s the most fuckable religious figure?
Shiva. Three babes 4 arms each. Use your imagination folks. Or Ganesh. I’ve always wanted to fuck an elephant.
- Mormons have a Space God. Perfect for Space Force!
Question 3: Staying with Private Military Companies and contractors, recently on February 7th of 2018, there was a large battle between about 40 US Special Forces operators and a handful of pro-Syrian government forces along with hundreds Russian mercenaries trying to take control of an oil refinery. The four-hour long battle saw the US commandos calling in air support against a collection of tanks, armored personnel carriers and other heavy weapons. After the dust cleared, between 200 and 300 “pro-regime” forces were dead and not one American casualty had resulted. This episode highlighted the ability of countries, like Russia, to fight proxy wars against its enemies using private military contractors and have plausible deniability when it comes to their culpability in such military actions. So what are the chances Jeff Bezos buys his own army to take over the world in order to further his goals of world domination and an outstanding customer experience?
- Somewhere between 100 and 100%.
- In December he was quoted as saying in regards to tech in military. “This is not a sporting competition. You don’t want to fight fair.” and followed it up with “we’ve had an advantage in space. I’m very nervous that is changing rapidly. It’s also noteworthy that he is currently dumping around 1bn annually into his space company “blue origin” that vows to send paying customers to space. I bet the customer service is way better than delta. One more step towards SPACE-FORCE!
Question 4: Switching gears now, I want to talk about the all-too-cozy relationship between the Military Industrial Complex and corporate media. General Electric, one of the largest Private Military Companies in the US, used to own NBC and enjoyed news coverage during the Gulf War that portrayed GE-made weapons and other military hardware in a decidedly pro-war light and downplayed or even omitted civilian deaths that resulted from the use of these weapons. This kind of war coverage would continue through the wars in Afghanistan and later Iraq and even recently when the US used cruise missiles against a Syrian government airbase. It’s not hard to make the connection of pro-war coverage by nearly every corporate owned media outlet and sponsorship dollars from Boeing, GE, Northrop Grumman and Lockheed Martin among others. So is getting a rock-hard freedom-boner when watching news coverage of the latest airstrike in whatever country full of brown people we’ve invaded that week a completely normal American response?
- It depends on how hot the newscaster is. If they put some uggo on there to push some war propaganda at us, that’s a deal breaker.
- We will be constantly jerking off in space anyway so might as well have a freedom boner. Space is boring.
Question 5: Corporations that are a part of the defense industry spend millions lobbying Congress every year. In 2015, defense contractors greatly increased their lobbying expenditures as there was a cap limiting defense spending by the government; the more that Congress approves for defense spending, the more money these companies make. So it stands to reason that when our country goes to war or otherwise uses more military hardware that is manufactured by these defense contractors, that only helps their bottom line. Should we be worried that companies within the Military Industrial Complex have so much leverage over our politicians or am I just being paranoid? What are those black SUVs that followed me over here even doing? Do you guys hear that high pitched tone when you talk on the phone, too? WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE BEES??
- Fuck bees. China actually did an experiment where they painted pollen onto flowers manually, and found that the yield from them was 30-40% higher than when bees did it. We are better than bees. Don’t need em. They can fuck off.
- Do we even need bees in space? Are there space flowers?
Palette Cleanser 2: Should politicians in Congress who vote to go to war be forced to fight in that war? What about their kids or grandkids?
- You really want them fighting a war for you? It’s a fact that poor people fight better. It’s the hunger. Makes em strong.
- Maybe make them front lines, with a more strategically placed second line of actual soldiers.
- They wouldn’t even be able to breathe outside of our atmosphere.
Question 6: War is profitable. It makes a lot of people a lot of money. Death, destruction, displacement and despair mean nothing to people who cash blood soaked checks written by Uncle Sam. So last question guys, how do we solve this thing?
- You guys played killzone right? What’d that successful franchise have that we don’t? That’s right. The ISA. The interplanetary strategic alliance. Luckily we don’t have to settle for something as dumb as the ISA. We have spaceforce!
Outro: *summarize Jeremy and Milo end arguments* I think that both sides have………………Valid Arguments. The winner of today’s show had this to say: “In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist. We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together.” President Dwight D. Eisenhower.
I’d like to thank you all for joining us, and thanks, Milo and Jeremy, for coming on my show and sharing your thoughts on the subject. We here at valid arguments